Slow Burn
by WhiteWolfShaera
Summary: Oneshot songfic about Axel's life before his other died. Kinda depressing, depending on what kind of mood you're in. Song is "Slow Burn" by Atreyu.


Shae: Hey there! Yeah, I know I haven't updated for a SUPER long time…but still! I thought you guys deserved one. (I know, right? There are like four of you that

actually read my stuff.) Anyway, this one's another songfic; this time it's about Axel. Not necessarily how he died – you can imply that if you want – more about his

life before his other died. The song is called "Slow Burn" by Atreyu. The name Shay I kind of stole from SharleaNorth…I hope she's not mad at me…sorry, I couldn't

think of anything else! And since it's Axel, I didn't figure you'd be too upset with me…so. Yeah. You still love me, right...?

Disclaimer: I don't own Axel or Atreyu.

--

_It begins with a dark glowing ember._

"I really need a drink."

_Something black burning its way out of me._

"Axel, can't you stay home tonight?"

_Pain is the only thing I feel, scars all I see._

"I really need a drink," he repeated.

_Oh no, the fire's burning my insides again._

She sighed, folding her arms. "You've been out every night this week…"

_What can I do to silence my desire tonight?_

He almost felt bad. She was right, he knew, and she deserved something that she wanted for once.

_Flames consuming reason, leaving only ashes left._

But that could wait. He would take her out for dinner tomorrow, or something like that.

_You will catch me regretting my decision._

"I promise, Shay, I'll only be out for a couple of hours. Okay?" There, he could compromise.

_I can't keep telling myself what I want to hear._

She frowned. "You've said that for the past four days!"

_I can't just close my eyes._

"Axel, aren't you listening to me? This isn't good for either of us!"

_I know that it's killing me._

"I know, Shay, I'm sorry! I can't help it anymore! I've tried. You know I've tried."

_And it's poisoning the best of me._

"You can't have tried very hard, or you would have been able to stop! You can't even stop for me!"

_What I see I don't want you to believe._

"No, I can't stop! That's what an addiction is, Shay!"

_So let me tell you more, tell you more about the lies I lead._

"You act like I don't know that you can get help! If you really wanted to stop, you could. I know that."

_That is how I chose to douse the flames in gasoline._

"Don't you know how worried I get when you come home from bar fights with bruises like that?"

_Broken teeth replace the blackout memories in my head._

"But I can't…"

_Wreckage from the past haunts me, shakes me to the bone._

"Please, Axel, don't lie to me." She looked like she was about to cry.

_I know it's over, but I can't go home tonight._

"The worst thing you could have done for me right now was make me feel worse." He slammed the door in her face.

_And after this, I feel as empty as the night before._

She really only made things worse…

_Feel the pain, and then I'm still begging for more._

Like he didn't feel bad enough already. He really had tried to stop drinking.

_Masochistic, nihilistic, urging backward thought._

It's just that every time he'd thought about actually stopping, he was afraid to. It was his escape.

_My life's a mess and I can't find a way to fix it._

Maybe he should go home and apologize.

_I can't keep telling myself what I want to hear._

But he was always afraid that he'd get upset and hit her or something. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

_I can't just close my eyes._

He couldn't win. There was no way out of this.

_I know that it's killing me._

When it came down to it, he would either lose her or the alcohol.

_And it's poisoning the best of me._

He didn't know which he needed more.

_What I see I don't want you to believe._

And that didn't help things any. It made them worse.

_So let me tell you more, tell you more about the lies I lead._

It made him realize just how bad he'd become.

_Calling, calling out…_

He would lose the alcohol for her in a heartbeat, of course.

_The darkest reaches of my soul are riddled with self-doubt._

He just didn't know if he could.

_Crawling, crawling out…_

He had to try. It was better for both of them that way.

_My will to fight will more than suffice when others would lay down._

Alcohol was no good for him anyway.

_It's only as dark as you make it._

But he loved the buzz.

_I know that it's killing me._

He could go without that…

_And it's poisoning the best of me._

As long as he could still drink every once in a while. That wouldn't be a problem.

_What I see I don't want you to believe._

He could do that. Probably.

_So let me tell you more, tell you more about the lies I lead._

Maybe.


End file.
